So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
