And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
