if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize