ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
