My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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