me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize