You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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