i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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