when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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