Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
