you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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