ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
