Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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