He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize