I want you more than these girls want KFC
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
