Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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