I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
