Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize