You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
