You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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