i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize