i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
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