My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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