Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Randomize
