I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
