I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
i out mim tonsoeep
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