I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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