Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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