She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
