You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
