WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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