Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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