You work out of a Hotel?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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