Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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