How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
