if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
A bitchslap is in order.
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