they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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