I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
