her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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