you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
my shit smells like andre
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
