There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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