I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
