Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize