you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
