I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize