conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize