Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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