The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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