You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
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