So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
