If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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