got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Two words: nipple clamps
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