I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
