so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize