It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
