haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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