Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
