Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
