they need to just BURY HIM!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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