i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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