my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
