I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
