I puked a lego.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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