I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
