i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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