I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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