I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
