Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
