JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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