i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize