I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
