The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
