I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
