I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
