You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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