Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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