I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
