I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize