Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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