I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
It was confusing and full of hummus
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
