Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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