my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
