it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
