I just made out with a guy for $7.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
