I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
