Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
