my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
