Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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