At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
