Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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