I CAN MOONWALK!
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
