My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
