Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize