im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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