dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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