I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Congratulations! We have a period
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