shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
accomplished twins. life is a go
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
