id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
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