Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
