I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
