I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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