Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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