So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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