i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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