Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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