yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
